The failure

Ever had the feeling you know precisely what needs to be done and yet for an unknown reason you fail to do it ?
This is not about the failure of my SCEA certification .. I am still waiting for the results from Sun after having submitted it on July 23rd(although I might fail the cert too) , it's about failure to keep things over control.
The last months where a continuous and accelerated degradation of my life .. in more ways then I am willing to admit.
Although I am quite confident that a GTD style needs to be used and applied at work and in personal life, that diet food is better for me,that TV time is useless time e and that concentration on work things is mandatory I cannot do the right stuff.
I found myself procrastinating and browsing car forums despite my commitment to being car-lite or even car free.
I know debt is bad but I just applied for a credit card .. it is really unbelievable.
Here I am at 2.00 AM writing on the blog after not being able to sleep for 3h.
I blame the high daily temperatures for this (35-37 Celsius ) behaviour.
My mind is obsessed with 2 idiotic things : buying a laptop (and making the purchase look necessary) and controlling expenses ( I have been an avid reader of GRS)
Since working for one employer is a risky endeavours I am trying to find other income sources which can finance say a laptop purchase a month at least.So far not very successful with this issue.
I am looking at
1) Freelancing - slim chances in J2EE field
2) Google Android development - requires a 500 Euro investment in Android phone and offers
little profit guarantees
3) Doing something completely unrelated (driving a taxi maybe ? ).


In other news :
My Decathlon Triban Trail 7(trekking bike) is officially 3 years old .. and has only 3000 km on it .. I need to increase the mileage on it.
Today after 3 months I managed to see my weight going under 100 kg again - 99.9 kg.
My wife agreed to let me buy a road bike when I reach 90 kg so I must not give up.
Last but not least after spending a lot of money in our short holiday in Amsterdam we got to see that fascinating city. I got to walk and bike and .. yes smoke pot in Amsterdam :). I wish I could write more but all I can say after 4 days is that Amsterdam really is the city of freedom and it is fantastic for tourists a great place to spend some of your holiday.
On the other hand I realised that although it is a bike paradise ( you are king of the road with your bike there) it was not designed to be a bike paradise (neither was most of Holland) , the bike simply imposed as the best solution for the city transportation (the lands is very flat).
I have met another Romanian guy which as hired to work there this month. By checking the prices and the salary he quoted I know that it is better then what I make .. and many of my colleagues. Unfortunately for the moment such a thing is not possible for us.
Oh .. did I mention my English looks pathetic when compared to the English of people in Netherlands ? I should have... because I felt embarrassed there (this does not happen very often) for not spelling words right in English.

Well I wrote here for 30 minutes .. it's time to get some sleep and re-organize in the morning.